You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: You see, I was thinking about getting my testicles laminated.
You: Sound like a good idea?
Stranger: Oh really? Well the thing is, you have to take a wholistic approach.
Stranger: You have to consider each pro and con and eventually see what the balance shows.
Stranger: On the bright side, your balls are shiny and beautiful.
You: Well, the pros are that I'll have shiny testes.
Stranger: Unfortunately.. some females may not like that kind of thing, or guys if you're into that.
You: Nah, I'm not into guys.
You: I'm a lesbian.
Stranger: Oh cool!
You: Yep. I got the testicles off of ebay.
Stranger: so how did you acquire - ah, gotcha
Stranger: What color are they?
You: I wanted kids some day, so now I have a vagina that can shoot sperm.
You: White, but they shoot blue fluids out of my vagina.
You: I have blue skeet, you see.
Stranger: Hmm, interesting. Is it fluorescent?
You: Yes, actually.
Stranger: I've actually been doing research at my lab in Virginia about this phenomenon.
You: But that could be from the glow stick I stuck in my vagina last year.
Stranger: When exposed to the styrofoam from the package you got it in, these testicles seem to react in a way that, as you have seen, causes your ejaculate to turn blue.
Stranger: Oh, well there's that too.
Stranger: Hmmm.. Maybe.. there's a common element in the glowstick and the styrofoam.
You: The glow stick was green, though. Just the normal kind.
Stranger: Regardless, you may have just allowed me to make a breakthrough
You: So, it can't be that that's turning my ejaculate blue.
Stranger: Well, here's the thing.
Stranger: Did the glow stick WIDEN your vagina
You: No, I masturbate a lot, so I'm fairly loose. I like shoving large things in it.
You: The glow stick was only about half an inch wide.
Stranger: Hm, interesting.
Stranger: Did the glow stick break off in your vagina?
You: I'm not sure, actually.
Stranger: Did you see any leaking fluids aside from your vaginal secretions?
You: But, it has been turning my menstrual blood a glowing pink.
You: Sometimes it does turn it a glowing orange, though.
Stranger: Ahh, that's normal.
Stranger: It's a phenomenon called The Scourge of the Oompa Loompa
You: Good, I was actually worried about that.
You: Ahh. I have noticed my pubic hair turning a slight tint of green lately.
Stranger: Ohh that's nothing big
Stranger: it just means that when you're sleeping
Stranger: Heath Ledger's spirit has been eating you out
Stranger: Well, it's been a pleasure. I'm actually heading out to eat right now, thank you for your intriguing insights!
You: Ahh. Well, I'd rather it be Rosie O' Donnel.
You: Or however her name is spelled.
You: But, thank you for the information, I'll need to head out to smoke.
Stranger: Later homebooooy